i got woke up by my munchkins really early!! well it seemed early considering i didnt go to bed until 8:30am. john apparently went to church haha, yea right whatthefuckever, but i was so happy to see them.i got up and played with them and stuf until he got back. he stayed here for awhile and i went to the bathroom and came back and he was gone. that stupid fucker just up and left and didnt even let me tell zoe' and damian bye or anything. he has so got it comming. so selena calls wanting to come up and spend the night, we said we didnt know and we'd call her back. we took a lil nap and called her back and she was having a party so i guess another night. i want her to be around zoe' and damian more. i know this is selfish but john fucked me over bad enough when we were married. he never even wanted kids, he didnt even want zoe' for the longest time, our whole marriage was such a waste of my time and life because i was with someone who didnt even give a shit if i was there or not. the only time he even acted like he cared was when i od'd and that was superficial because he knew he had hurt me so bad emotionally and lied to me for so many years he knew it was because of him. now i would have never done that but at the time i was very hurt. tonight my brother came home from a trip and my mom calls calling me a stupid little bitch and all kinds of shit. all i have is peter and my kids. my kids are number 1 to me, they came out of me, i gave them life and a good one why does john have to have half of them? he had no part in being pregnant, producing breast milk, giving birth nothing but being there when they popped out and holding them every now and then and he thinks he deserves half of what i made in my body for THAT? i just dont i dunno i just dont think that it's right. they are all i have that i know truely love me only those kids. john has people he can rely on, his mother doesnt call him names his dad isnt crazy, he has other people that love him very much why cant he give me what i created. i know peter loves me but thats what i also thought about previous people, and that scares me so much. so to you john just know you are the reason for my sad hollow quiet little daydream i live in every day, it is all because of you.
I LOVE YOU ZOE', DAMIAN, & MY HUSBAND FOREVER HOPEFULLY PETER
Current Mood: sad